Things Coming To An End

July 24 2020

At the time I'm writing this I will be moving for the 7th time in my 18 years I've been alive. I don't think I've ever really stayed at one place for a really long time. Perhaps it has affected how I make friends or how I deal with long distance relationships, but what I've learned the most was accepting when things are coming to an end.

When I was a kid, the worst part about moving was saying goodbye to all my friends and starting again. Sure everyone will say you'll stay in touch or you'll meet up once you've moved in and sure you'd try, but what sucks is that both of you know its probably not true.

Nobody likes moving on, and its a sad reality once you're aware that things won't be the same again. So how do you deal with things coming to an end like that? How do you say good bye to someone you cared about? And how do you start again?

1. Tying Loose Ends

Don’t do things you will regret. I've learned this the hard way. In the past, I'd move without really making sure things were right. Growing up introverted, I never had the courage to confront someone and tell them the truth of what happened or how I felt. The cost of being a coward was living with the regret of untied ends. There'd always be something I wished a person knew or something I wished I'd had done for them or something I wished I'd have said. The list goes on.

As easy as it sounds, its actually really hard to just tell the truth. Its hard confronting that demon in you closet, its hard speaking the thoughts that lurked in the deep recesses of your mind. But, for all the fears associated with the telling the truth, its worth all the pain.

So how do you go about doing this?

For me the answer was, spending as much time as you can with the people you care about, ones that you'll be leaving behind. Nobody on their deathbeds has ever regretted spending too much time with their friends or family. People always regretted the opposite. Being with those you care about will give you the chance to do things before its too late. Make the time and the effort because there really might not be a second chance this time.

To those you care about, tell them you've cared about them. To those who've hurt you, tell them they've hurt you. Point is, make it clear about the truth you're telling. It takes some balls to say them out loud but your future self won't regret it.

Advice is, say all that you wanted to say before things are too late. It's just not worth the pain of keeping it in.

2. Saying Final Goodbyes

The second worst part is being okay with goodbyes. I think we'll all eventually find ourselves in this position and its no easy pill to swallow. Although we tend to bridge the dwindling time one has by saying things like "we'll keep in touch online" or "I'll see you when I come and visit" and although it may be true in some sense, there will be scenarios in life where its just not possible.

Having said more goodbyes than I should've, I've learned to appreciate the time I had with someone rather than the time I'll be missing out. And I've learned this from my Grandfather.

My Grandfather has survived the Second World War, the Communist Revolution, the Korean War, the Great Leap Forward, all at the cost of loosing, his father, brother, friends, and his home town. Being so experienced with death and final goodbyes, he's learned to see his relationships not as permanent entities but as something he'd burrow from "the universe". When someone leaves his life, he treats it like he's giving them back to "the universe" where they'd belong. He doesn't lament against the inescapable tidal waves of life but appreciate that they had walked into his life in the first place.

I remember as a kid, almost 10 years ago, that my grandmother had passed away. Like the many people who my grandfather had outlived, he remained by her side until the end. And although you can tell it was hard for him, I think he was happy that this time he at least got to say goodbye to someone he had loved.

Its not a matter of being okay with final goodbyes, but appreciating that there's even someone you can say goodbye to to begin with.

3. The Low That Comes After The Storm

And when all the goodbyes are said, and you close another chapter of your life, you're hit with a new kind of low. At points it'll feel like a hurricane of emptiness at other points you'll feel numb. Although you can throw any kind of stoicism at it, I think it's okay to just take the hit and let it out.

Nobody makes it out of life alive anyways, so don’t take things too seriously.

4.Starting Again

And so it's time to stand on your two feet again. Its time to make something out of the cards you're dealt and to do this all over again.

At the time I'm writing this, I'll be moving out of my condo with my parents and back to our house. At the end of the month, I'll be moving out and starting my first year at university.

I don't think its easy to start from scratch again, I've hit the reset button on my life more times than I had wished. I've learned to tough it out and accept that good things, like bad things, will eventually come to an end.

It hasn't been easy but I think I'll make it out alright. Wish me luck on my new adventure.

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